4 Things I’ve Learned in 4 Years of Marriage

October 4, 2018

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Today I’m sharing a special post because it is mine and Drew’s 4-year wedding anniversary. I don’t know about you guys, but 4 years feels like a really long time when I think about it. I no longer feel like a newlywed, and Drew and I have learned so much in our first 4 years of being married. I feel so blessed to have found ‘my person,’ and someone that makes me want to be better everyday.

In my single years, I used to get so frustrated because everyone would say, “You’ll know when you find IT.” To me that was such a generalized statement, and what truly was IT!?! How annoying! I am nearly 8 years in of feeling that exact feeling, and I’m here to say, it is so TRUE! The reason you probably don’t know what IT is, is because you haven’t found it yet. Do not settle in your relationships until you find your special IT, and I promise, “You will know when you know.”

For today’s post, I thought it would be fun to share 4 things I’ve learned in 4 years of marriage. It’s 4 things that I wish someone would have told me on my wedding day, or even in my newlywed year. It would have made learning each other a lot easier, that’s for sure. I get asked for marriage advice a lot on my blog, so in the spirit of today’s celebration, here we go. 🙂

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  1. Marriage is all about setting expectations. Here is an example of what I mean. Early on in our marriage, Drew used to work very late into the night. It was sporadic and truly depended on how each work day went. I absolutely loved cooking Drew dinner when he would get off from work (sorry babe, not so good at that anymore, lol), and I was so excited to share a meal with him each night and catch up on our days. Prior to us learning to set expectations, I would receive phone calls from Drew saying he wasn’t going to be home for dinner, and inside I would get so frustrated and upset because I was bummed we wouldn’t be sharing dinner together. That came off in arguments with Drew, not being able to explain why that upset me. After lots of conversations, we determined that it wasn’t the late nights that were upsetting me, it was expecting him to be home, and not getting that time with him. Over time, Drew learned to update me throughout the day, set expectations (even if he was unsure), and in the end I felt informed about what the evening held. Would I need to grab my own dinner and avoid cooking, or should I cook and know he was going to be home, both were okay, as long as I knew what to expect. Now this is just one example, but this learning lesson shows up in so many ways in our marriage. Setting expectations always avoids disappointment in the end.
  2. Love your husband, but respect them more. Sure, love is extremelyyy important in a marriage. It’s that dizzy feeling you get in your stomach when you’re about to see them, and that should never fade. But, I believe when you respect your partner, you fall even deeper in love, and that is the love that lasts forever. Having Drew as my husband makes me so proud. He’s a hard worker, he’s loyal, he’s selfless, he’s supportive, he’s spiritual, he’s sensitive, and he loves more than any man I’ve ever known. The sacrifices he makes for me, and the time and hard work he puts in to building our future makes me respect him SO much. That respect results in the deepest love I’ve ever experienced. Respect your husband.
  3. Never stop dating your husband. I think this is something many women (and many men) are guilty of, and at times I am, too. Keep the romance in your relationship alive. We all get caught up in the ‘busy’ of our lives. Going to work, coming home and cooking dinner, in some cases putting your kids to sleep, going to bed and doing it all over again. Throw something spontaneous into your relationship. Go on a trip, plan a special date night, buy him something special to let him know you are thinking about him, flirt. Not only does it keep life exciting, but it makes your relationship feel new again and again.
  4. The best gift you can give is time. Wowww am I self-admittedly guilty of this one. It’s something I practice on a daily basis, especially as a blogger who always feels they have to be ‘on.’ I travel a tonnn, and I’m ingrained in the social media world, so I know how tough this one is. I am slowlyyy learning how important time and my presence is to my husband. After all, his love language is quality time. We have phone free meals and date nights. I batch content so that I can have time ‘off’ but still appear present to my followers. I’ve started working with a photographer more often, so Drew and I don’t have to spend our weekends capturing content for the blog. I am trying my hardest to make being present a practice in my routine, but it is definitely still a work in progress.

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I’m sure I could go on and on about the many things I’ve learned in my first 4 years of marriage, but these are definitely 4 pillars that stand out to me today. If you have marriage advice, pleaseeee send it my way by leaving a comment below. I think we all need to love and support each other in the many facets of our lives. Thank you for taking the time to read, and I hope this post made you feel like you are not alone in the crazy of life. Xoxo.

Bailey
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Comments

I love this advice! Especially the part about giving time. My fiancée gets upset when I am on my phone in the car and “not paying attention” to him. So now I try to engage in conversation with him while he’s driving!